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Some Thoughts

By Jing Nan


This is the first time in my life that I have written about a woman in computer science on a blog which makes it more meaningful. At the beginning of this semester, I met a male student in the same major. After a short conversation, my mind seemed to be completely disturbed. He set up a very powerful and shining image of himself. However, when I calmed down and tried to remove myself from the atmosphere he had created, I was once again in the position of continuing to learn. So, I think this is the first hurdle that women studying computer science face in college.

Computer science is shaped by social media and it's easy to be intimidated by the overall atmosphere. So every time I don't understand a little bit, I mistakenly believe I might not be able to learn this subject which some people recognize is hard to learn. But maybe all you need to do is calm down and watch it again, or ask for a little help from someone else. In addition, as far as my major is concerned, many aspects involve information collection, induction and arrangement, which seems to be very suitable for sitting at home to study. However, I think the most important point is to communicate with people in the same section and establish a support female group.

My understanding of this major is actually like a scatter diagram. There are some very basic concepts that I do not understand yet, and there are some deep concepts that I need someone to listen to and let me sort out the logic. Learning about computer science requires bolder imagination, less attention to your mistakes, more communication, more misdeeds, and more messy code. Only in this way can you understand many abstract concepts and take off in code like writing a novel. I was afraid of making mistakes, but I found that it also had to do with the way I was treated, whether you were in a traditional female role, or stepping out of it, it will be attacked in different ways, and a lot of times it was attacked with these little needles that came quickly and without warning, like a "wow, you don't know that”, like a statement “I don't understand what you're saying”, like you are being too masculine or too feminine. These statements amplify and reduce confidence. In the hope of not being attacked next time, women constantly correct themselves. So, I became very well-dressed and well-behaved, but at the cost of losing my liveliness and divergent thinking. No matter where you are in your understanding of computer science, there needs to be more unassailable communication.


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